Spring Forward

I can’t sleep. That’s what falling asleep at 9 PM will do to you. I’m not sure how I can be this tired after waking up at 11 AM, and only working for 6 hours, but I’m sure my body is grateful for the rest.

As a person, I think I’ve grown a bit lately. We’re always growing as people (I’d like to believe), but the past couple of months I’ve been trying to fulfill the goals I made for myself back in January. I think many of the goals I made are ones, should I choose to progress in fulfilling them, that will help build the life I’ve always wanted. In the same respect, I think the past few months have reminded me that these goals I’m making for myself, while valid, are just one more way I’m being ridiculously hard on myself. Healthy, or not healthy… that is a question I’m just not going to answer, nor really worry about.

Part of the growing I’ve done has been a direct response to people, whether directly or indirectly involved in my life, reminding me of the damage they can do to others’ lives. The last thing I’d rather do at this moment is bring attention to any of the bullshit going on around me, but for the sake of others, and not my own, I use this bullshit as a reminder for everyone to really watch whom they associate themselves with. I usually like to bring people into my life, because I love getting to know people and listening to their lives. I have been blessed to have met a great deal of amazing people, many of whom remain involved in my life to this day. I’ve had some of the best friends I could ask for, and I find that I mention them often because they have had a significant influence on who I have become. They above all deserve that credit.

Yet, in the midst of these wonderful people, I’ve had my share of people who, for lack of a better analogy, have taken butcher knives and stabbed me in the back. We all have. I place my trust in someone because I believe there’s a reason they are in my life, and then I find that they are just as immature as I originally thought them to be. I let a few people into my life this year that have inflicted significant emotional damage on a friend of mine… by using me. I wish I could have seen this coming in some way. I never imagined the manipulation that would take place, and the lies that would be spread without any warrant. In the scheme of things, the things that have been said are not important. I’ve personally ignored them, despite lies being made up about my life and people talking about me that don’t have one solitary clue as to who I am. However, the damage they have inflicted on another human being, without any reason or cause, is one of the most heinous crimes I can imagine committed.

I think of how naive I have been to let these people into my life, but at the same time, I realize I can’t keep people out. It’s not healthy to do so and I would miss out on letting the great people in. Even those who do bad things serve a purpose.

My apologies if this post is somewhat cryptic. In the end, all we’re going to have is how we lived our lives. This includes how we treat others. Actions speak much louder than words. Please keep in mind during your day, every day, to treat others in the manner to which you want to be treated. On another note, more specifically to the line of work I find myself in now, stay out of everyone’s business and remember the line between friend and boss/colleague, even if your superiors do not.